drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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