If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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