Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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