The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
