apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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