you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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