Your face is a jimmy john
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
