she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
