The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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