Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
