Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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