Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
