i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
