Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
