Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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