And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
