How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
