You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She bit a glass in half.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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