I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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