Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
