We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
