carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
