It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
