he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
