life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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