I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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