don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
