Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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