Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
