Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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