Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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