she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you