I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
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It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.