So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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