His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
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You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow