Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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