We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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