Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
