Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
