I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
