i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
