I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
