Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
