So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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