Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
