you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
