He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
