i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
