turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
