I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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