four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
