That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
