it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just invented taco cereal.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
