hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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