I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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