U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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