the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
