He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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