you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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