i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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