Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
