This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
