I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
