awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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