I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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