remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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