But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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