is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
