it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
