i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
