is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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