Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Please, let me fuck your mom
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
