I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
