OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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