Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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