I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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