lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
