i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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