I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize