Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
