I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
