I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
