god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
