I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
