it was like his penis was on wheels.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
